क्या हुआ??

Today started like any other. I woke up about a half an hour after I’d planned to. Took a shower, got dressed and packed up all my books and papers that I would be using for that day’s portion thesis writing. Later on, in the midst of my writer’s block, my mom calls. I text her back asking if I can call her later. She answers back, “No.”

Dad was missing. He hadn’t called into work, his car wasn’t at his apartment, he wasn’t answering his phone. I said I would try texting him and let her know. Anyway, this wasn’t the first time we had lost track of him. That time I think he was just playing a show and hadn’t bothered to tell anyone. So I texted him….nothing. Waited a while, wrote a few more distracted lines. And then decided I might as well check in with my mom again.

There was news. “Hospital,” the message read. I left my books and my laptop sitting on the table in the middle of the cafe and ran out to call my mom again. Yes, he had tried to drive himself to the hospital the night before, but ended up having to call an ambulance instead. Not getting enough oxygen. Sedated. Intubated. Wrong phone number on file. That’s why nobody knew until my mom, his still-loyal ex-wife, frantically started calling hospitals. He should be fine. He’s just out of it right now.

Then I start thinking. What if he wasn’t fine. He’s 62 and has a pacemaker, for goodness sake. I’ve finally crossed over to the point where I need to start worrying about the welfare of my parents. I want to call them up and tell them to get over whatever they had been fighting about before…even if the fight has been going for almost 30 years. They need to look after each other! But of course this is just a ridiculous impossibility. So now I’m just sitting here, waiting to hear some good news. Wondering how much more time I’ll get to have with my parents.

And wondering what the me from two years ago would have said after reading the above sentence. I think there would have been an exploding brain involved.

Well it’s in the 30s today. That’s pretty darn cold for Tejas, but after my time in Minnesota it feels absolutely perfect. I finally drove to Whole Foods to do some grocery shopping. I can’t believe I’ve been here for a year and a half and this was my first time. That place is amazing! Of course a lot of things are way out of my price range, but I still got some really good and HEALTHY things that I’ll be cooking over the next couple weeks.

I’m really feeling like I’m getting this semester off to a good start. One of the first things I did after getting back from shopping was to arrange my desk into good working order. Finally made space to put my scanner/printer on TOP of the desk instead of underneath. Yeah that’s making my work much easier. Task for the next week: writing my works cited so I can get started with the actual writing portion of my thesis. Yes!

I have to say…this trip home was probably the best one so far. I didn’t just hang out with my friends and loved ones, but I think I got to have real quality time with each of them. Even the holidays went surprisingly smoothly. But now I’m ready to get back to my life here. I’m finishing up a really big chapter of my life and am already thinking towards job searching and deciding what kind of person I want to be as I move on with my life. It can only get better, I think. I’ve already been lucky enough to accomplish more than I ever thought I would in my lifetime. An M.A.? Really? Though…I can’t get too excited yet. I still have to turn this idea of a thesis into a 70-page reality.

Decade – a period of ten years
Cadence – a melodic configuration or series of chords marking the end of a phrase, section, or piece of music

So tonight is the last night of 2009. For the most part, it’s just another divider between two years. However, it’s interesting to reflect on the last ten years. I was 15 when 2000 rolled around and now I’m 25. I wonder if I could consider these ten years to be my “youth.” It’s definitely when I did the biggest chunk of maturing. Let’s see…

In 2000, I was attending the International School of Minnesota after a hellish 8th grade public school experience. This was also the year I met the Smashing Pumpkins…and the year they broke up. And of course, the year I RETURNED to public school after ISM turned out to be even worse.

Since then… Four serious relationships, Four serious breakups, graduated highschool (horrible gpa), started college at Stout (horrible gpa), transferred to the U of M and GRADUATED (awesome gpa!!), parents split up, brother had a baby and got married, can’t forget 9/11, grandparents died, uncle died, other uncle quit drinking, made friends, lost friends, kept the best friends, dog died, found a cat, eventually gave the cat back to his owner, got another dog…went to guatemala once, india twice, got into graduate school (heck yeah fellowships!)….wrote this blog entry?

I mean that, of course, is a stream of consciousness sort of summary in no chronological order whatsoever. I just can’t believe how my life has changed…how the world has changed. I got my first gray hairs this year. I pay my own bills, live on my own and make decisions for myself. I wonder what will happen in another 10 years.

I do know that 2010 is going to be an important year in deciding the rest of my future. As I said in my last post, this is my last semester of graduate school (at least for now) and I’m looking for a career now. Not just a little seasonal job between semesters, but something that I could potentially do for a long time. I’m also deciding where I’ll be living. It’s going to be so strange not be in school anymore, but I’m looking forward to really getting out there and seeing what life has in store.

I just hope I’m not completely gray at 35.

Yeah, I haven’t really been updating this much. Lot’s of new developments lately, though.

I took my Urdu proficiency test AND PASSED. I’m still not sure how, but I’m definitely not complaining. I mean, I know my conversational skills are actually pretty decent, but somehow I just get so nervous in a testing atmosphere so I wish I had done better…but…I passed, and that’s what matters!

I’m also a few days away from being done with this semester. Then there’s just one left. Just one semester of schooling and I’m completely and totally done. It hasn’t really set in, and I’m sure it won’t until I actually have my diploma. Then I need to start looking for a job…depending on how the FS thing works out. For now, I’m sort of planning as though I won’t get in, but still hoping I do. Not putting all my eggs in one basket, ya know?

Thanksgiving was really nice. I’m always so happy to see everyone, it’s been great to watch my cousins grow up and start their own families and all. I had to leave a bit earlier than I would have liked so that I’d make it to Austin in time for class on Monday. The drive was pretty long, but so worth it. I’m really happy that I have my car with me now AND I now have my guitar as well. I just started playing around with it again yesterday. The chords are coming back to me pretty quickly, but I need to build up my calluses again. My fingertips were seriously burning last night after I practiced for a while.

In other news…still dating against my better judgement. Though it’s been especially rewarding as of late. Then I remember that…oh yeah…I’m moving. Considering my previous long distance dating experience I should probably be running and screaming for the hills, but that doesn’t really feel right at this point either. I mean, what if I just want to have a romance that makes absolutely no sense? Being logical is so boring sometimes! Anyway, I guess whatever is supposed to happen will happen, yeah?

I can’t believe it. The overnight low in Travis county (Texas) is actually pretty pretty close to the low in Hennepin county (Minnesota). Somehow this doesn’t seem like something which should be happening.

Today went alright. I got to school at 11 to work on some Urdu for tomorrow. I had to give a presentation in Mughal class, which I was relatively nervous for. I wasn’t actually as nervous about this one as the last one. I wrote out word for word what I was going to say to avoid the disaster of last time. However, I my voice was still crazy shaky! I wasn’t even that nervous walking up to the front of the room but as soon as I started talking I just couldn’t control how my voice sounded. Silly silly. Anyway, in the end I got some really good tips from my classmates and a couple people told me that my presentation wasn’t bad. What a relief! I’m just glad to have that over with so now all I have to worry about is writing that paper and organizing my thesis research.

The weekend didn’t go quite as planned, but still ended up quite pleasant! It is now my mission to go dancing this coming weekend. Anyone who is interested in coming along should just let me know!

So I suppose it’s time for an update.

I’m still working on my thesis. I’m finally making some decent progress, I believe. I’ve put together a preliminary outline which will hopefully help me organize the research I’ve done thus far. My plan is to start doing some serious writing once I get back to Minnesota for winter “break.”

Other than that, I’m also in the middle of working on my foreign service application. I’m at the point of the personal narrative, which means I have to write some more things about myself in the hopes that the committee will like me and will invite me in for an oral assessment. Additionally, I’m going to take an Urdu proficiency test over the phone on Friday. I’m trying to speak as much Urdu as possible right now so I’m not completely rusty.

One thing I’m trying to do is forcing myself to get out a bit more. I’m pretty embarrassed to admit how little I’ve done in this city since moving here, especially since I’ll probably be leaving again in May when I finish my thesis and graduate. Anyway, so I think I’ve been making some progress. The gym membership has helped, though I’m still working on making a habit of going. That being said, I haven’t given up on it and I AM still going. I’ve also stepped out of my comfort zone quite a bit. For example, I’ve been wanting to go to this Nerd Nite thing for the last couple months but just could not find anyone else who was interested in going with me. Finally I just decided to get on a bus to downtown to go by myself. No one looked at me like I was some sort of loser idiot, because well, why would people care anyway. So now that I’ve faced that fear, I don’t think I’d have any more problems doing what I want to do just because no one’s with me.

I’ve also been working a bit on this whole dating thing. There have been a few stumbles here and there, since I’ve never really gotten how the whole scene functions. I sometimes make the mistake of focusing on the destination instead of the journey, which means that I develop so many expectations that nothing could ever actually live up to my expectations. I’m trying to look at things a little more casually now. I mean, all signs point to me being out of here in some months, so the odds are that nothing really substantial could happen in that time. (Not that I’m completely opposed to surprises!!) But anyway, so right now I’m just hoping to have some fun as experience more of Austin. After that, your bet is as good as mine.

Oh! And I’m going to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving to see my awesome relatives. Really can’t wait for that. Afterwards, I’ll be driving my car back to Austin. This sounds like a great idea now, we’ll see how I feel 10 hours into the drive! Hopefully it will facilitate my good-times having for the next semester.

I don’t really think so! Bacon, eggs cooked in the leftover bacon grease, toast, coffee and the BEST store-bought orange juice I have ever had. The only thing that would make this better is a waffle, but I definitely do not have a waffle iron.

I think I’ll make pancakes next weekend.

Man, this week is quite the opposite of last week. Instead of laying in bed wishing I could trade in for a new sinus cavity, I’ve been all over the dang place. Monday I turned in my first paper of the semester and went to a movie in Austin for the FIRST TIME!! Yeah, that’s right. I was taken to the Alamo Drafthouse by a new acquaintance to see Zombieland. This was really cool for two reasons. First of all, Zombieland was a great film. But the Alamo is a really fun place in and of itself. Before the film they were showing all these snippets of old and really terrible horror films. I tell ya, I am not a big horror film person usually, I was just cracking up at this one except for the part that DID NOT EVEN INVOLVE ZOMBIES! If you’ve seen Zombieland, you know what I’m talking about…I seriously almost screamed.

Yesterday went alright. I had a pretty helpful meeting about my thesis research and know that I really need to figure out over the next two weeks exactly what I’m arguing for and against in my paper. Urdu class went okay, though my translations were pretty horrendous overall.

Then there’s TODAY! Today I took the Foreign Service Officer Test. I’m really hoping I passed, but it could go either way at this point. There were some questions I very easily answered, but the ones about economics or random international geography threw me for a loop. In any case, I’ll find out in 3 weeks if I’ll be continuing on to the next phase. The best part is that I couldn’t figure out where the southbound bus stop was after the test, so I kept walking down Airport Blvd for like a mile and a half looking for one. I’m pretty exhausted now, but I’m happy that I actually took this test finally. Even if I don’t pass this time, I’ll be more prepared to study for the next one!

So this is what I guess I’m working on now. So there are certain things which I get now, but the problem is actually balancing necessities and principles and duties and my own mental stability.

Why is balance such an issue? Because for the entirety of my existence I’ve defaulted into extremes. I’m either almost obnoxiously chipper or questioning my existence, I’m gung-ho about something or a complete fatalist, I’m either totally selfish or compromising to a fault. Sometimes I’ve had to just pick the option which will end in the least amount of damage. For example, I’ve learned over the past few years that there are certain people I have to cut off completely because I’m likely to compromise and give and worry so much that it ends up being detrimental. Luckily, I’m learning this more quickly and am, more importantly, learning to stand up for myself.

Sometimes I still get in my mode of just wanting to get along with everyone and wanting to make everyone happy, and I’m still extremely disappointed when things don’t go that way. But the key is not letting that potential disappointment keep me in unhealthy situations.

Anyway. In addition, I’m taking the FSOT on Wednesday!! I’m a bit nervous but hoping for the best. Also, some of my thesis research is starting to come together. Oh, and I bought my plane ticket to Milwaukee which means I’m spending this Thanksgiving with my relatives! Hooray!

Okay, that’s all for now. Back to Urdu!!

So I’m going to be taking the Foreign Service Officer Test next month. Therefore I’ve been reviewing some American History and Government and all that. Well, I was reading up about religious movements in the 1800s and found this little anecdote.

“John Humphrey Noyes, a product of the Second Great Awakening, and disciples of the Society of Inquiry founded the Oneida Community in New York in 1848. In contrast to the celibate Shakers, Noyes’s followers accepted “complex marriage,” the idea that every man and every woman in the community were married to each other. Boys and girls were trained in sexual practices when they reached puberty, but only those who accepted Jesus Christ as their savior were allowed to have sexual relations. Oneida prospered because it developed products known for their quality, first steel traps and later silver flatware. When Noyes left Oneida to avoid prosecution for adultery, the members abandoned complex marriage and formed a company to continue manufacturing tableware. It remains in business today as Oneida Community, Ltd.”

I went to http://www.oneida.com and sure enough they manufacture some very nice looking dishware

I wonder what they say about the history of their company!

“The company originated in a utopian community established in the mid-nineteenth century, and has had a strong reputation for quality since that time.”

Hmmm…guys, I think you left something out! But yeah, history can be a little surprising sometimes.