क्या हुआ??

Zindagi! Okay, so I just felt like writing in Devanagari, and I chose that word. Zindagi means “life.”िज़न्दागी मुिश्कल है Zindagi mushkil hai….at least I hope I wrote “mushkil” correctly. If any of my indian homies read this, you can correct me if I’m wrong.

Oh right, “zindagi mushkil hai” means “life is difficult” or if you want to go literally…LIFE DIFFICULT IS. Yay for grammar.

That’s kind of a depressing thing to write, though my day is going pretty decently. I was incredibly productive at work. We started a new project and I totally blew it out of the water. I got four completed surveys, which doesn’t sound like a lot. But when you consider that it takes about 18 minutes and I’m calling people at work, it’s a challenge. I got the most out of anyone else and in less time, too. So yay for me!

Also, I’m so happy I’m not sick anymore! I can swallow with no pain! This one friend of mine just called to see how I was feeling which made me feel really special, too.

Crap, I can’t write anymore. This bhangra is really good and I have to go dance to it.

Here, have a sexy picture of Abhishek Bachchan.

http://libbu.files.wordpress.com/2006/07/180px-ab_indiatoday_cover-1.thumbnail.jpg

edit: shit, i wrote zindegi instead of zindagi…which is the right spelling. mistake corrected!

Someone told me to write tonight…I thought that seemed like a good idea. Here’s something I train-of-thought-ed
——

The dust of the road coats my toenails. The long weeds scratch at my shins, but my attention lies ahead. The stalks are thin by themselves, but the field stretches for an eternity. It’s as a dry sea, soaking the hills and engulfing the few barren trees hoping one day to bring their branches back to the dirt. There is a house, leaning in its death throes. Abandoned by those he sheltered. Waited for decades to be reclaimed until he gave into the ocean of grain.

Returning his planks and shingles to the depths

I take a step further, shielding my eyes from the July sun. The bluest sky with the whitest clouds, it captures my gaze. To what destination do the ivory vessels travel? It could be that not even they know their end.
Everything feels the oppressive heat. I am alone, but accompanied by the wildflowers, gripping perilously to their solitude. I commune with the living roots of the grasses which appear deceased. Nobody loves this land, nobody passes by to appreciate the guardians of the earth.

But I love you. I love your decomposition, I love your sadness. Most of all, I love what only I can see. I see your life, I see your youth and your age. Your beauty and your scars. This dirt under my soles and this land in my heart I will embrace with my infinite arms.

I’m in the same place, but the place itself is becoming something completely different. Whether it’s a good change or a bad change remains to be seen. Though perhaps both good and bad can reside in the same place. I suppose I’ve always seen things in shades of gray. It’s very rarely “this” or “that” but more of a “somewhat” or “possibly.”

Maybe some people are bad, horrible people. It’s so hard for me to see that. I see bad decisions, and yes, sometimes it can become so deep-rooted that the person is consumed by their evil deeds so that they become evil themselves. However, I tend to see that underneath the actions, there is still the potential for a good and kind person. It could be that I’m just seeing my own hopes and really I’m just kidding myself.

Anyway, enough “deep” talk for now.

I’ve had strep throat for the last 5 days or so. Suffice it to say that I am suffering from severe solitude sadness (ALLITERATION FEEEEEVER). Anyway…cabin fever. I’m starting work again tomorrow, but not sure if that will really be much better.. har har har. I’m really hoping that I can get out and do some more stuff next weekend. There’s another Bhangra night at Nochee on the 5th. I’m sooooo there donkadonkadonkadonka

As far as dating is going…it’s a little pathetic at this point. There’s this one person I could almost see myself dating…but there are just a couple factors that I know would become issues. So that horse is pretty much stopped at the gate. I really want to build up the courage to ask out the cute waiter at India Palace, but I would have to be very very very sure that he would accept. If he ended up being married or something, then I would feel too awkward to go back there again, and it’s my favorite restaurant in the world.

I will say what I’ve been saying for the past few weeks. I’m getting to the point where I’m actually kind of sort of looking for an actual monogamous relationship. I’m not looking to get married right now, but I’d like a steady boyfriend that I can see on a regular basis..and if things happen, then awesome. But then again…when I think about being committed to someone, it kind of freaks me out…mostly because I’m having so much fun right now. So…here’s my mindset, I suppose. I’m not actively looking for a boyfriend, but if I meet the right guy I won’t stop things from happening.

Huzzah