क्या हुआ??

Well everyone, I am heading off to Bharat Mataji tomorrow at noon. For the month that I am there, I will not be updating this blog. I am cheating on poor Kya Hua as I have started a blog especially for my trip.

http://yatrahindustan.wordpress.com

Go there and read about what I’m up to!

I just sent off my last test and my last paper. Mailed off the last bits of grad school stuff. Now all I have to do is prepare for INDIA. I am so proud of myself. I accomplished everything I set out to do. I’m a little unsure if my papers will get A marks, but they definitely weren’t terrible. I mean, these were the first papers of this length that I have ever written.

The point is…I’M DONE!!!

INDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Well, I’m about three days from the end! I’m over half done with my paper, and I don’t think I’ll have any problem finishing it by the 20th! I have a take home test to do as well, but also shouldn’t be much of a problem though it may be a little time consuming. Koi baat nahi! I can do it!

Most exciting is the fact that I’m pretty much done with my grad school applications. I just need to wrap up my personal statement for Washington and then mail these babies out!

Alright, I know I’ve made this statement at least once like every two months, but I’m going to make it again.

I. CAN. NOT. BELIEVE. MY. LIFE.

A year and a half ago I had no idea I’d be applying to these grad schools, be speaking these languages or GOING TO INDIA IN LIKE A WEEK OH MY GOSH.

But here’s the best part, pretty much everything I’ve accomplished I have done myself. That’s not to say I haven’t had help. Some of my professors have done so much for me over the past few semesters, and my mom has been so supportive every step of the way. However, it was my decision to transfer, my decision to switch majors, I contacted professors when I needed help, I saved up money to go to India and applied for my visa and my passport and did everything myself (I got a bit of monetary assistance, but the great majority has been from my own pocket).

It may sound like I’m patting my own back, but I’m really just proud of myself…okay I guess I’m patting myself on the back a little. But really! I used to be so freaking unmotivated! I never got anything done, and here I am actually writing a 15 freaking page paper!

!!!

And I’m applying to grad school!!! (let’s see if I get in O_O    !!)

!!!

AGH SO HAPPY

Okay, so I’m taking time out of actually writing my paper to talk about my paper…that’s ridiculous. However I just have to say I’m super excited because I’m actually writing on something sort of theoretical and my sources are all coming together nicely. I’m even citing Michel Foucault and Benedict Anderson…and GANDHI. So dang, I’m totally in.

Alright, back to actually writing the paper now.

There are two Christmas albums I tend to listen to around this time of year. The GRP Christmas Collection and Mannheim Steamroller. A week ago I finally brought out GRP, because it seemed like the right time and my mom and I were itching for some Christmas music.

The second I put it in the player, however, my mom told me to find a different one because it just reminded her too much of the past. I said okay and we switched the discs. Just now I decided I should listen to it…and it’s really strange how memories come back.

I almost feel like I’m sitting in our living room…the tree and the room are circled with tiny festive bulbs. The rest of the lights are off, but the tree and the fire in the fireplace give a pleasant glow. We finished eating a half hour ago and after begrudgingly agreeing to first clear our dishes we sit in whatever seats we happen to fall in…forming a sort of crescent around the living room. Dad is in his green chair, I am sitting by mom, and my two brothers have each picked a rocking chair. This CD plays in the background while we decide who will pass out the gifts this year.

Depending on what section of my life we’re talking about, this is either a very good or very bad time. Before a certain age I would have been euphoric; just sitting around drinking hot apple cider with a cup of cinnamon lightly tapping against my lips as I drink and smile. Towards the end, it became like sitting inside a time bomb. All the false trappings of a normal family enjoying a holiday became unconvincing and almost terrifying to me. I would sit at the dinner table, wringing my hands, just waiting for someone to start yelling or crying or stomping away from the table.

But still…these songs…I remember some of the times that weren’t so bad. Our family actually would sit around and chat sometimes, before it became obviously bad. And this would be in the background…and this christmas will be a very special christmas for me.

Whether good or bad, those Christmases are over.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-ZFeu2iC7I favorite christmas song, btw

It is December 2nd now. I have just under two weeks to get two of my grad school applications in. I think I can do it. No, I have to KNOW I can do it. I did just finish a rough draft of one of my papers. Revising it shouldn’t take too long. It’s not really anything worth publishing, but for the experience I have with lengthy paper writing (that would be close to none) I don’t think I’ve done too poorly. I only have a week and a half left of instruction left, and then I think that the 13th and 14th will be 24 hour writing fests for me. I’m okay with that, once I get this stuff done I’m home free. I’m leaving for India in 24 days. I can hardly believe that I’ll be there for a month. I hope I know what I’m getting myself into!

But I’m sure it will be great

Oh, in other news, I’m quite proud of myself. I did a podcast for a friend of mine. It’s not very long, but it is completely in Hindi. In fact, I did two of them, but the first one is pretty much completely ad libbed and kind of boring. They are both at http://www.stfubox.com. Mine are (I think) numbers 6 and 4. They’ll say “Libby” on them anyway. So have a listen and tell me how cool I am

Anyway, I’ve come down with a bit of a cold, though apparently just about everyone in my department has one. I think the Robitussin is kicking in, so I should probably hit the hay. Exciting times, ya’ll!