It’s 2 AM right now, and if I were a reasonable human being I would be asleep. I have about 100 pages of heavily theoretical reading to do tomorrow, but hey…I’ll get it done!
Part of my brain, the part that made me a terrible student until about my third year of college, is saying “Holy God, how is that even possible.” Luckily, a much larger part of my brain knows what I’m actually capable of! And honestly, at the end of it, my brain feels like it’s had a much needed workout. I still love what I’m doing and know that I’m in the right place. This is some of the most challenging stuff I’ve ever had to do, but I want to do it!
I think of my last year of undergrad and how I felt when I realized I had to write two 15 page papers at a time. I was completely freaking out, but once I got things underway and finished those papers I felt absolutely fantastic. Even if they aren’t publishing quality, they definitely did not suck. So now I get to write a 25 and a 15 page paper this semester. Again, I kind of started to freak out, but I’m really not letting myself do that. I’m actually really excited to write these papers. The topics are pretty exciting. Oh and that’s the best part. For once it’s actually still October and I already know what my topic is! That’s a pretty nice feeling.
With all this happiness of being where I am, I’ve still been a little homesick. I miss my family and my friends and my sweet little puppy, but I guess that’s all part of achieving things in life. The best part is that it’s given me a lot of perspective being away from the house I’ve lived in for pretty much my entire life. I have a lot more responsibility, which I probably should have had a while ago…but better late than never! I finally feel like an actual adult. I have to make sure I pay all my bills on time, I have to make sure I make all my medical appointments and I just have to remember all those little things that I wouldn’t have needed to when I was at home. If I run out of milk, mom isn’t going to go to the store and get it for me. I’m cooking for myself, I’m making sure I eat lots of fruit and vegetables. I’ve been to yoga twice, and I’m hoping I can make myself keep going.
Honestly, saying all this makes me feel like I’ve been so immature for so long. I’ve been really emotionally independent for a while, but not so much with all these other things. But you know, I guess you could just say that I really care now. The real test comes next summer when I have to get my own health insurance! Out into the world, Miss Libby! You’re a big girl now!
But I still have my fuzzy blanket with dinosaurs on it 
