क्या हुआ??

As some of you probably know, I’m leaving for India for the entire summer in just a few days. I just wanted to let everybody know that for the duration of that trip I will be updated my other blog at http://yatrahindustan.wordpress.com

I can’t guarantee how often I’ll be able to update, but I’ll do my best to keep you guys informed!

I’ve been going through this back-and-forth for quite some time. I guess it had to come sooner or later, but even when you know what decision you’ve made and that it’s the right one…it can still be hard to finally verbalize that decision.

But now the words are out and they have become cemented in the air. There is no turning back anymore. In an instant, a thousand mental pictures and possibilities fade into nothingness. The could-have-beens that were once mine will certainly belong to someone else, now. Maybe not immediately, but someday. It’s so painful to think about at this moment, but this is my path. 

Instead, I am presented with another list of might-bes that spread off into the horizon. Who knows, I might reach there alone and I might remain there…alone. Perhaps that is also my path. Maybe it will only be my nieces that will carry my name into the future. Maybe that will be enough.

Or perhaps it’s just not my time. I have not fully become that person which I am supposed to be. Only when I embody her will I have the tools to match another life with my own. But that’s not the point. The real point is that I can’t even think about it right now.  I’ve become so happy and excited with what I’m doing. I’m finally EXACTLY where I want to be and doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing. Somehow I feel for actually putting these things first, but I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t go for this I’ll regret it someday.

So that’s the price I must pay. Starting this whole damn cycle over again. It’s exhausting and more painful every time….but again…I guess that is just my path.

I guess all I can do now is walk through the door I’ve chosen with my head held high and with absolute confidence. Let’s see what I can add to humanity!

So I stepped outside to bring my clothes to the laundry room. It’s pretty warm and a little humid. All of a sudden I had an epiphany. I thought to myself, “Hey, this temperature feels really familiar.”

“Why is that?” you may ask. Well, I’ll tell you. 

It’s VACATION WEATHER! “What th..vacation weather?” you ask again, thinking I’ve lost my mind. Well, that’s altogether possible! But let me explain.

This is the kind of weather that I would only experience during vacation. When my family would decide that we should head out to California or Florida to get away from the Minnesota chill. Sure, we’d get a few hot days in the summer, but barely ever on May 1st and maybe one day in April if there was some freak weather occurance. However, this is constant! I would only get this during that week long trip to Port Hueneme, knowing full well that it would end and I’d go back to middle school the next Monday.

But no, I freaking LIVE here now. I’m not intruding on this good weather, I OWN it! Now when I go back to Minnesota, that is the vacation weather, that is temporary. 

I know, I’ve completely lost it. But man, yay for Texas.