क्या हुआ??

I’ve been going through this back-and-forth for quite some time. I guess it had to come sooner or later, but even when you know what decision you’ve made and that it’s the right one…it can still be hard to finally verbalize that decision.

But now the words are out and they have become cemented in the air. There is no turning back anymore. In an instant, a thousand mental pictures and possibilities fade into nothingness. The could-have-beens that were once mine will certainly belong to someone else, now. Maybe not immediately, but someday. It’s so painful to think about at this moment, but this is my path. 

Instead, I am presented with another list of might-bes that spread off into the horizon. Who knows, I might reach there alone and I might remain there…alone. Perhaps that is also my path. Maybe it will only be my nieces that will carry my name into the future. Maybe that will be enough.

Or perhaps it’s just not my time. I have not fully become that person which I am supposed to be. Only when I embody her will I have the tools to match another life with my own. But that’s not the point. The real point is that I can’t even think about it right now.  I’ve become so happy and excited with what I’m doing. I’m finally EXACTLY where I want to be and doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing. Somehow I feel for actually putting these things first, but I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t go for this I’ll regret it someday.

So that’s the price I must pay. Starting this whole damn cycle over again. It’s exhausting and more painful every time….but again…I guess that is just my path.

I guess all I can do now is walk through the door I’ve chosen with my head held high and with absolute confidence. Let’s see what I can add to humanity!