So I suppose it’s time for an update.

I’m still working on my thesis. I’m finally making some decent progress, I believe. I’ve put together a preliminary outline which will hopefully help me organize the research I’ve done thus far. My plan is to start doing some serious writing once I get back to Minnesota for winter “break.”

Other than that, I’m also in the middle of working on my foreign service application. I’m at the point of the personal narrative, which means I have to write some more things about myself in the hopes that the committee will like me and will invite me in for an oral assessment. Additionally, I’m going to take an Urdu proficiency test over the phone on Friday. I’m trying to speak as much Urdu as possible right now so I’m not completely rusty.

One thing I’m trying to do is forcing myself to get out a bit more. I’m pretty embarrassed to admit how little I’ve done in this city since moving here, especially since I’ll probably be leaving again in May when I finish my thesis and graduate. Anyway, so I think I’ve been making some progress. The gym membership has helped, though I’m still working on making a habit of going. That being said, I haven’t given up on it and I AM still going. I’ve also stepped out of my comfort zone quite a bit. For example, I’ve been wanting to go to this Nerd Nite thing for the last couple months but just could not find anyone else who was interested in going with me. Finally I just decided to get on a bus to downtown to go by myself. No one looked at me like I was some sort of loser idiot, because well, why would people care anyway. So now that I’ve faced that fear, I don’t think I’d have any more problems doing what I want to do just because no one’s with me.

I’ve also been working a bit on this whole dating thing. There have been a few stumbles here and there, since I’ve never really gotten how the whole scene functions. I sometimes make the mistake of focusing on the destination instead of the journey, which means that I develop so many expectations that nothing could ever actually live up to my expectations. I’m trying to look at things a little more casually now. I mean, all signs point to me being out of here in some months, so the odds are that nothing really substantial could happen in that time. (Not that I’m completely opposed to surprises!!) But anyway, so right now I’m just hoping to have some fun as experience more of Austin. After that, your bet is as good as mine.

Oh! And I’m going to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving to see my awesome relatives. Really can’t wait for that. Afterwards, I’ll be driving my car back to Austin. This sounds like a great idea now, we’ll see how I feel 10 hours into the drive! Hopefully it will facilitate my good-times having for the next semester.

I don’t really think so! Bacon, eggs cooked in the leftover bacon grease, toast, coffee and the BEST store-bought orange juice I have ever had. The only thing that would make this better is a waffle, but I definitely do not have a waffle iron.

I think I’ll make pancakes next weekend.

Man, this week is quite the opposite of last week. Instead of laying in bed wishing I could trade in for a new sinus cavity, I’ve been all over the dang place. Monday I turned in my first paper of the semester and went to a movie in Austin for the FIRST TIME!! Yeah, that’s right. I was taken to the Alamo Drafthouse by a new acquaintance to see Zombieland. This was really cool for two reasons. First of all, Zombieland was a great film. But the Alamo is a really fun place in and of itself. Before the film they were showing all these snippets of old and really terrible horror films. I tell ya, I am not a big horror film person usually, I was just cracking up at this one except for the part that DID NOT EVEN INVOLVE ZOMBIES! If you’ve seen Zombieland, you know what I’m talking about…I seriously almost screamed.

Yesterday went alright. I had a pretty helpful meeting about my thesis research and know that I really need to figure out over the next two weeks exactly what I’m arguing for and against in my paper. Urdu class went okay, though my translations were pretty horrendous overall.

Then there’s TODAY! Today I took the Foreign Service Officer Test. I’m really hoping I passed, but it could go either way at this point. There were some questions I very easily answered, but the ones about economics or random international geography threw me for a loop. In any case, I’ll find out in 3 weeks if I’ll be continuing on to the next phase. The best part is that I couldn’t figure out where the southbound bus stop was after the test, so I kept walking down Airport Blvd for like a mile and a half looking for one. I’m pretty exhausted now, but I’m happy that I actually took this test finally. Even if I don’t pass this time, I’ll be more prepared to study for the next one!

So this is what I guess I’m working on now. So there are certain things which I get now, but the problem is actually balancing necessities and principles and duties and my own mental stability.

Why is balance such an issue? Because for the entirety of my existence I’ve defaulted into extremes. I’m either almost obnoxiously chipper or questioning my existence, I’m gung-ho about something or a complete fatalist, I’m either totally selfish or compromising to a fault. Sometimes I’ve had to just pick the option which will end in the least amount of damage. For example, I’ve learned over the past few years that there are certain people I have to cut off completely because I’m likely to compromise and give and worry so much that it ends up being detrimental. Luckily, I’m learning this more quickly and am, more importantly, learning to stand up for myself.

Sometimes I still get in my mode of just wanting to get along with everyone and wanting to make everyone happy, and I’m still extremely disappointed when things don’t go that way. But the key is not letting that potential disappointment keep me in unhealthy situations.

Anyway. In addition, I’m taking the FSOT on Wednesday!! I’m a bit nervous but hoping for the best. Also, some of my thesis research is starting to come together. Oh, and I bought my plane ticket to Milwaukee which means I’m spending this Thanksgiving with my relatives! Hooray!

Okay, that’s all for now. Back to Urdu!!

So I’m going to be taking the Foreign Service Officer Test next month. Therefore I’ve been reviewing some American History and Government and all that. Well, I was reading up about religious movements in the 1800s and found this little anecdote.

“John Humphrey Noyes, a product of the Second Great Awakening, and disciples of the Society of Inquiry founded the Oneida Community in New York in 1848. In contrast to the celibate Shakers, Noyes’s followers accepted “complex marriage,” the idea that every man and every woman in the community were married to each other. Boys and girls were trained in sexual practices when they reached puberty, but only those who accepted Jesus Christ as their savior were allowed to have sexual relations. Oneida prospered because it developed products known for their quality, first steel traps and later silver flatware. When Noyes left Oneida to avoid prosecution for adultery, the members abandoned complex marriage and formed a company to continue manufacturing tableware. It remains in business today as Oneida Community, Ltd.”

I went to http://www.oneida.com and sure enough they manufacture some very nice looking dishware

I wonder what they say about the history of their company!

“The company originated in a utopian community established in the mid-nineteenth century, and has had a strong reputation for quality since that time.”

Hmmm…guys, I think you left something out! But yeah, history can be a little surprising sometimes.

So I’ve finally done it, I’ve joined a gym. There’s a 24 Hour Fitness center about a 5 minute walk from my apartment, so I decided to stop making excuses and check the place out. I went in for a tour and walked out with a membership and a half hour treadmill session under my belt. What a great feeling! Even though my summer weight loss resulted from digestive issues and an all-around lack of appetite, I came to the realization that I wanted to continue losing weight (though perhaps with a healthier method).

The unfortunate thing is that personal training is ungodly expensive,  so I’ll have to just work with whatever I can learn from my orientation session on Friday and maybe one personal training session. Anyway, at least there are classes like every single day, so I can at least get some guided stuff once or twice a week. My big challenge now is to actually get into the routine of going to this place. I forced myself to actually stay today and work out today instead of doing the “I’ll start tomorrow” thing. I’m going to force myself to get up and go tomorrow and the next day…until it’s not forcing anymore and just becomes habit.

The nice part is that the liquor store nearby has wifi, so I was totally able to listen to my favorite, upbeat Pandora station….and check my email…while on the treadmill (which is a bit silly I know, but whatevs!)

So yeah, whoever actually reads this blog, feel free to hassle and nag me about whether or not I’m keeping to my workout routine! Let’s hope I won’t need it! (The nagging, that is)

Well, I’m back to my normal blog now. Not sure how many followed along on my India blog, but if you’re one of them, then thanks!

I’m now a week into my second year of my M.A. program. It may be the final year, but that all depends on how my thesis research goes. I’m really coming into this academic year with a new perspective on a number of things. The experience of this summer has made me a more mature, driven and confident person.

I’ve had to make some difficult decisions lately, well one in particular. Some people may know what I’m talking about while many still don’t even know what the secret was behind my “In a relationship” facebook status for around 10 months. Let’s just say that if you have principles you should stick by them and don’t change them for another person, especially when they wouldn’t do the same for you. I’ve let myself be pushed around and have given in to bullying and guilt far too often. I’ve realized this now, and I’m not going to make excuses for people anymore .

Anyway, I feel a bit more free now. More than anything, I’m excited to finally get out and explore Austin.  The best part is I actually feel like myself, fully myself.

As some of you probably know, I’m leaving for India for the entire summer in just a few days. I just wanted to let everybody know that for the duration of that trip I will be updated my other blog at http://yatrahindustan.wordpress.com

I can’t guarantee how often I’ll be able to update, but I’ll do my best to keep you guys informed!

I’ve been going through this back-and-forth for quite some time. I guess it had to come sooner or later, but even when you know what decision you’ve made and that it’s the right one…it can still be hard to finally verbalize that decision.

But now the words are out and they have become cemented in the air. There is no turning back anymore. In an instant, a thousand mental pictures and possibilities fade into nothingness. The could-have-beens that were once mine will certainly belong to someone else, now. Maybe not immediately, but someday. It’s so painful to think about at this moment, but this is my path. 

Instead, I am presented with another list of might-bes that spread off into the horizon. Who knows, I might reach there alone and I might remain there…alone. Perhaps that is also my path. Maybe it will only be my nieces that will carry my name into the future. Maybe that will be enough.

Or perhaps it’s just not my time. I have not fully become that person which I am supposed to be. Only when I embody her will I have the tools to match another life with my own. But that’s not the point. The real point is that I can’t even think about it right now.  I’ve become so happy and excited with what I’m doing. I’m finally EXACTLY where I want to be and doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing. Somehow I feel for actually putting these things first, but I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t go for this I’ll regret it someday.

So that’s the price I must pay. Starting this whole damn cycle over again. It’s exhausting and more painful every time….but again…I guess that is just my path.

I guess all I can do now is walk through the door I’ve chosen with my head held high and with absolute confidence. Let’s see what I can add to humanity!

So I stepped outside to bring my clothes to the laundry room. It’s pretty warm and a little humid. All of a sudden I had an epiphany. I thought to myself, “Hey, this temperature feels really familiar.”

“Why is that?” you may ask. Well, I’ll tell you. 

It’s VACATION WEATHER! “What th..vacation weather?” you ask again, thinking I’ve lost my mind. Well, that’s altogether possible! But let me explain.

This is the kind of weather that I would only experience during vacation. When my family would decide that we should head out to California or Florida to get away from the Minnesota chill. Sure, we’d get a few hot days in the summer, but barely ever on May 1st and maybe one day in April if there was some freak weather occurance. However, this is constant! I would only get this during that week long trip to Port Hueneme, knowing full well that it would end and I’d go back to middle school the next Monday.

But no, I freaking LIVE here now. I’m not intruding on this good weather, I OWN it! Now when I go back to Minnesota, that is the vacation weather, that is temporary. 

I know, I’ve completely lost it. But man, yay for Texas.