Some of my very earliest memories involved computers and technology. My dad had been working  with circuit boards and machine shops since he was a young man, so naturally he was attentive during the “garage days” when people like Jobs and Bill Gates were dorky college dropouts building the future where people would otherwise keep cars and snowblowers. To be honest, we never bought a mac. Our family was 100% PC, probably because macs, in those days as they are now, were prohibitively expensive for our family.

In any case, I remember being surrounded by these growing technologies as a toddler that most of my little friends probably had no awareness of. I remember typing stories about My Little Ponies on the black and yellow screen of our first computer. Logging onto Prodigy to play educational games with the EEEEEUUUUUEAAAARRRRKHHHHHH of the modem. Chatting with my best friend over a network connection that our dads had set up, long before chat and IMing became common. Finally, Windows 3.1 and beyond.

In high school, I finally acquired some mac items. I got one of the “flowerpot” iMacs in 11th grade which is still functioning as we speak. (albeit a bit slowly) I bought one of the earliest ipod models with money I made from working at Walgreens. $426 for 10 gigs. It is ALSO still functioning, even though the battery life sucks and the data cable doesn’t work with any of the current mac models. Now, I have an iPod touch and an iPod Nano. Like many others, Steve Jobs’ influence is extremely visible in my life.

For all these reasons, I have a special admiration for these garage engineers. Technology was always such a new and exciting thing when I was growing up. Some of my very favorite memories were because of their legacy and I definitely agree with so many others that Jobs left us far too soon.

So apparently it’s been four months since my last post. I guess for once I can say it’s because I’ve actually been too busy doing other things to think about updating my blog that no one reads! Moving along…

As the title suggests, I’m now living in Northern Virginia. I moved in late June and things are absolutely great. I’ve been extraordinarily broke for the last few months, but I’m still alive and slowly acquiring necessary objects. I still have no bed frame or dresser, but I have a very comfortable (queen size!!!! for the first time!!!) mattress and a thing to hang my clothes on. There’s something about living by myself that has flicked a switch in my brain. As my mom noted on the phone, I’m starting to act like a homeowner. I actually vacuum and do my dishes and laundry at LEAST once a week, sometimes twice if it’s necessary. I’ve taken great joy in organizing things, finding just the right spot to put something. I even built a shelving unit for my bedroom out of leftover bookshelf pieces.

Even something as simple as developing my daily routine has become extremely fulfilling. In the past, having any sort of routine was actually scary for me…it gave me some sense of my impending mortality. Now I feel like I’m actually developing myself. For the first couple weeks, I was getting in my old habit of getting home and completely slacking off. Spending the whole night watching tv and surfing the internet before finally climbing into bed. Now, I come home and get stuff done. Yesterday, I…well I built a shelving unit, and then I read and reviewed some Urdu vocabulary. This week, I’ve started doing some yoga stretching and simple meditation before getting into bed. That’s proven to be a better transition than just going straight from wakefulness and activity into “okay go to sleep” mode.

Besides the new place, I’m loving my job more and more as time goes by. I’m still astonished that it’s turned out to be an actual good fit. I even get along with almost everyone I work with. People are so smart and not afraid to geek out about things. Even though I miss being in school, I’m very happy that I can still have intelligent conversations on a daily basis.

Next thing, Rob and I just celebrated our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I can’t believe how quickly time has passed. It seems so short, but at the same time so much has happened. We’re absolutely crazy happy Aaaand, I’m taking him to meet pretty much my entire extended family over the labor day weekend. Can’t wait!

So, now something other than personal matters. UH, EARTHQUAKE. Virginia had an earthquake, and my place of employment was not thaaaaat far from the epicenter. None of us knew what the heck and totally ran out of the building, completely ignoring all rules for dealing with earthquakes. But see, considering we are in VIRGINIA, no one thought for a second that we might be experiencing one.

Well, with that out of the way (though there was an aftershock last night which I COMPLETELY SLEPT THROUGH) we are now awaiting Hurricane Irene! It’s time to HUNKER DOWN and BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES HARRRRRR!

Hopefully things won’t get too bad in this area, we’ll almost certainly get rain and wind…but I bought an EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS BACKPACK at Home Depot just in case of impending doom. My charming manfriend is going to come keep me safe, too. I need my big strong man around to beat up Irene in case she tries anything. (har har)

Okay, I think that’s all for now. I’ll check in after Disaster Bonanza to let you know I’m okay.

Oh, one more update. I work out now and have totally lost around 2o lbs since June. Need to lose more, but I’m at least happy with the progress!

kbye!

For this reason, it feels like this is really my first Easter. I’m sure this has something to do with the fact that I’m joining the Catholic church tomorrow, but it goes beyond that.

The week started last Sunday with the celebration of Palm Sunday. I had just gotten back from my RCIA retreat where I had experienced my first Catholic-style reconciliation and had done a lot of thinking and praying… As the verses were being read during mass, I started to really feel like I could put myself inside the liturgy. I closed my eyes and felt this warmth surrounding me in a way I had never felt before. It was a peace and an all-consuming love. I began to weep, not out of sadness, but an overwhelming sense of relief. Like the second mass I attended, where the old testament reading was the story of the prodigal son, then I had this unshakable feeling of returning home. This time  I felt like I was there experiencing the words that were being read, like I was in that time period. It’s very hard to fully explain it….but it was a powerful feeling.

Last night was similar, as we recalled the Last Supper. The image of Christ washing the feet of his disciples is so meaningful. What was even more moving for me, however, is the way the mass ended….or didn’t end, rather. In fact, the mass doesn’t really conclude until Saturday evening at the Easter Vigil. After readings and prayers and communion, we are left with a sort of “to be continued…” with the tabernacle open and empty and the candle, generally signifying the presence of Christ, extinguished. I stayed there for some time, just taking everything in. It was strange how quite everything seemed…like there really was some noticeable absence…yet also an expectation. It felt, so tangibly, like the end of something…like I should be mourning…but that everything would be okay.

Today, I went and did the Stations of the Cross, and again sat in the church and just processed for a little while.

It truly is difficult for me to describe exactly what’s been going on inside of me. Things just feel so different. I certainly appreciated Easter in the past in that “Oh, it’s a good thing Jesus died for our sins…okay, moving on.” but now I’m completely overtaken by the emotion and the experience of it in a way that is not forced or lip service or anything like that. Maybe it’s just that for the first I’m fully open to faith.

Trust me, it’s not easy. It’s hard for me to believe that I am actually going to church every Sunday now. It would certainly be easier to go back to “oh haha, yeah big old man in the sky watching what you do, yeah right.” My friends would probably think I’m less crazy, too. All I know is that…I’m home.

Thanks be to God.

Christos Anesti.

P.S. I also just finished by first full week on the job. Things are FANTASTIC!

Today (Sunday), I got up at a decent hour, went to mass with the manfriend and had a quick brunch at Firehook. We parted ways after that and now I’m spending the afternoon doing the rest of my laundry and organizing my room to prepare for the coming week. In a bit, I’ll iron my outfit for tomorrow. Why all this? Well,

I’m finally starting my job tomorrow!!!

As I’m organizing my stuff, I’ve been finding a lot of the encouraging notes I’ve written for myself over the past months.

“You will get a job.”

“Don’t give up.”

“Everything will work out.”

Even though I originally received this job offer in September, it wasn’t until last month that I actually had a definite day it would begin. And even up until Friday, I was a little worried that I STILL wouldn’t start tomorrow because of all the budget craziness. But not after all the waiting and stressing and wondering, everything has come through alright and I will actually be a woman with a career. A career with benefits and opportunities and a real purpose.

Just like the title I’ve given this post, it feels like my life has actually entered the stage of open-endedness. Until now, everything’s been stuck into little packages. Undergraduate education ends on this date, graduate education ends at this date. I have this much time in Minnesota, this much time in Texas. Only a very specific limited time to develop friendships and memories. I’m glad to say that I do still have friends from these time periods, but it’s always depressing to have that clock in the back of your mind saying “if I try to befriend this person, I have only 2 months to actually hang out with them.” Even while I’ve been DC, I’ve just had temp jobs with the worry that after that assignment ends there’s the possibility that I won’t find another one and will have to leave this place, too.

Well, I could potentially work at this place for the rest of my working life if it turns out to be a great fit, and I’m moving into my VERY OWN apartment on July 1st. I have a wonderful group of friends, an amazing boyfriend, and just so much hope for the future.

But really, right now…I am just SO PUMPED to start this job. What. A. Relief.

I’m definitely feeling better hydrated. Along with the greater amount of water, I’ve actually managed to take a multivitamin every single day. In the past, I would take them for about a week and then forget for a month before trying to form the habit all over again. The idea of Lent has really helped me internalize the idea of mindfulness. I know it’s a very Buddhist ideal, but a lot of those philosophies fit in really well with Lenten and other Catholic ideas somehow.

Besides the things I’m “sacrificing”, my sugary drinks and foul language (I did say the S-word today, but nobody’s perfect!), I try to actively think about my mood and my actions during the day. How am I reacting to things? Am I getting huffy about things I have no control over? Am I showing empathy and respect to the people around me, even if they don’t “deserve” it? These are the inner things that I really need to work on over this season. If I addiction to soda, that will just be a plus!

The conversion thing is still going well. I’m still dealing with disapproval from various directions, but I guess my only hope is that my loved ones can eventually understand how happy this decision makes me and that I’ve thought long and hard about what I’m doing…and that I’m definitely not changing as a person.

In OTHER news, I’m starting my job in about two and a half weeks!!! It hasn’t really set in completely. I started looking at health insurance options yesterday, which made things seem a little more real. The next two weeks really can’t go by quick enough… I’m so, so ready to get on with my life.

• I worked as a temp at a lawfirm from October through early January
• After a couple weeks of unemployment, I started another assignment at ANOTHER lawfirm which is where I am now
• I’ve been with my boyfriend for over six months now! (Yes! The same dude I met at a houseparty three days after moving here :3 )
• I got my security clearance!
• I’m waiting on my placement (should get my EOD tomorrow)
• Life is pretty awesome!
• Oh and I’ve been going to RCIA since November and am almost definitely entering the Catholic church next month.

And of course, if you are a religious type, it’s a good time to get back in the habit of going to church, reading scripture or maybe just showing kindness to other people. I guess that last one can apply to non-religious folks as well.

In any case, I’ve committed to a couple sacrifices and am considering a couple things that I think would just be good to try for:

• No beverages besides water and one cup of green tea in the morning. I may allow myself a moderate amount of alcohol on weekends. I’ve realized that I just end up drinking too much soda/coffee/sugary juice during the week when my body really just wants water. I’m hoping this will lead to a habit of reaching for water FIRST and eventually better hydration and health overall
• No profanity. Not that I swear like a sailor, but I want to take this time to improve my vocabulary so that I can express myself more intelligently without the use of vulgarities

If you’re reading this blog and are not familiar with what’s been going on in my life, I’m in Washington D.C. now. It’s not like the past where I’ve just come to hang out for a couple weeks and go back home. I’ve actually been here for over a month now. I can’t even believe it!

My first month was spent at the abode of Chris and Rachel. I’m still so astonished that they actually let me send an entire month snoozing in their office. Overall, I really enjoyed it and I think it helped that I tried to get out as much as possible to check out different think tanks and political panels. I’m pretty sure we passed the test, since after that month we’re still talking to each other.

Now I am staying in this women’s residence hall called Thompson-Markward Hall. This place has been an absolute blessing. I have my own furnished room, food is included (except for lunch) and I just got back from walking to the National Gallery of Art. Yeah, it’s that close to the national mall.

My real purposed for being here, however, is to find a job. I’ve been trying to spend most of my day sending out resumes over the last month. There have been plenty of rejections, but things are starting to look up. I’m not going to give out too many details so that I don’t jinx it, but I’m definitely feeling hopeful. Other things are going well too. I’ve fallen even more in love with this city…and I’ve even met someone :3 I totally wasn’t planning on that happening, but when can you really plan these things? Needless to say, I’m a happy lady.

Oh and another random development, I’ve gone to mass every Sunday for the past three weeks. And…uh…I think I like it?

Basically, it’s been a crazy month!!

I’ve finally started forcing myself to work somewhere besides home, which is what I also had to do when I was writing my thesis. The more I sit at home, whether I’m working hard or not, it just calls more attention to my situation. For the first half of today I worked at the library and after lunch I shifted to Dunn Bros. At least the scenery is different and there are other people around, even if I’m not interacting with them. It’s just so hard to not get into a funk when I’m seeing no results from my job search and I have to deal with loneliness at the same time.

Luckily I’m going out this weekend for some karaoke action with my sis-in-law and her crew. I totally need this, even if I’m not a professional…singing is such a great stress reliever. I will be so happy if they have Du Hast.

• If you’re rejected from a job that you know you could do with your eyes closed, remember there are probably another hundred over-qualified professionals who could ALSO do that job with their eyes closed.

• After a while, sending out resumes feels about as productive as writing your name on a million scraps of paper and immediately lighting them on fire.
• Why do entry level positions require years of experience?
• I hate junk e-mail even more than usual, because every time I see there’s something new in my inbox I hope it’s something to do with employment…but then it’s some advertisement for pizza hut.
• Why can’t employers just accept that I’m an amazing employee with incredible skills that would make their company/institute/whatever like sooooo much better than it already is.
• FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!